story: feeling heavy hearted

today i am feeling a bit down from my usual state of joy. maybe it is because the news is overflowing with the sadness of haiti, maybe it is because patrick is away for the next five days, and maybe it is because i see many people everyday who struggle to make ends meet. maybe it is everything!

for some reason, the earthquake in haiti has affected me more than other natural disasters that have occurred in the past several years. for my social work senior seminar class that i took in college five years ago, my professors had us read mountains beyond mountains by tracy kidder. this extraordinary true life account tells the story of a doctor's mission of helping the country of haiti by offering medicine and health care for those suffering with tuberculosis and AIDS (usually those two diseases would go hand in hand). this doctor, dr. farmer, gave up everything, his life's work, his family, sometimes his dignity, to reach out and help those who were in terrible need. i was remembering this book as i was engaged in conversation with patrick over the dinner table last night, telling him how that story is touching me again as these people live in complete devastation, disease, and hopelessness. my heart is burdened, and every bite of food i eat and every drink of clean water i ingest, every warm place i can run to for shelter i thank God and then pray for the haitians who do no have these things not only on a regular basis, but especially because of this week's event. so, i pray. i pray. i pray.

something else struck me this morning and moved my heart into thoughtful prayer, and this is an occurrence i see nearly every day here in the city. as i was exiting the subway at my stop, i noticed two men with about 6 large trash bags full of plastic bottles and soda cans. many people collect recyclables in order to get money back by putting them in collection machines. it is quite resourceful, and green of them, but heart-wrenchingly sad and a demeaning task in order to get a mere nickel for each piece of trash. usually i walk by such individuals without giving them a second thought, but today i considered their lives and all they must go through. many will criticize their actions and the fact that they are homeless or jobless. well, i guess they find their own sense of employment, and you never know how one entered into their situation of poverty. who are we to judge? why are we so stingy on compassion? how can i love them better? how can i be like Jesus to them?

i guess my "mission" for today will be to look for the humanity in people and to try to put myself in their shoes. i will continue to pray for haiti, and give what i can. i will take my being saddened by the things going on in the world and turn my heart to God knowing that he is the one who will take care of these peopl, and will use us in any way he can. that is the hope that i have.

this is beth signing off.

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